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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this condition, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”